take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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