Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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