my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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