Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
