you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
