it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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