i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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