Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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