I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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