whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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