how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
