chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
