the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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