no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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