Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
