Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
