I just cut my nipple shaving
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
