She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
