The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
