Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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