I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
