i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
