Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
