just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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