i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
