I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
