Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
