he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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