Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
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i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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