Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
