it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
