Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
