dude i'm inner monologue high
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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