I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
