Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
