"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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