i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
this hospital has no fireball
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
