Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
