Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
