Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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