U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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