and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
