i don't like sucking hair
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We are two peas in an std pod
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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