so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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