Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
