I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
