$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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