My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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