guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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