drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
