where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
