so explain again why im purple
no
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
