i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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