im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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