Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
