420 ftw
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
