At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
