I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
