You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
