I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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