All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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