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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
