Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
