i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You need a sexual gate keeper
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
