Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
