I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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