What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I want is dick and wine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
