32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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