Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was born a porn star she said
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
