we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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