I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
