She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
