You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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