i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
