it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
